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Speaking Up: Being the Voice for the Voiceless within the Church
"Tell me if this hurts" the dentist said as he came at me with a drill. I was elated to finally have my braces off after two years of tyranny to the evil metal appliance cemented to my teeth, but now needed to have a cavity filled.
I had never had a particularly good relationship with my dentist considering he was a person whose main purpose in life seemed to be to cause me pain. But this time I was really unhappy with him. I had just had several large needles injected into my gums, and the whole left side of my face felt about twice the size of what it should be. I currently had several large pieces of cotton, a drill, a mirror, a suction device, and a couple fingers in my mouth, and NOW he tells me to tell him if it hurts!
Not only that but he then proceeded to babble on to me, asking me about school and other inconsequential matters, all the time ignoring the fact that my mouth was full of metal objects, I was struggling not to choke on my own saliva, and not at all capable of a discourse of any kind. It was several moments into this that I came to an important realization: the anesthetic had not taken full effect! I was in sudden pain...but unable to talk clearly. The dentist ignored my incoherent words, answering with a pat "that's nice" and came at me with the drill again. So I did what seemed to be a
good idea at the time: I bit him. Now biting someone who currently has sharp implements in your mouth is definitely not a smart idea. But what do you do when you are in pain, but have no voice?
I tell this story, because I have had half a dozen conversations over the last month or so with same gender attracted Christians who have told me that they are in pain, and have no voice.
Some of them are struggling and long to talk to others about the things they are facing. But they feel subtle or direct pressure from their church not to talk about it because homosexuality is seen to be a topic that is threatening. So they learn to hold their feelings inside. Many have found a way to share their story, at least with some members of their church, but have encountered situations where others within the church make belittling or hurtful comments about gay people.
This puts them in an awkward place: they want to speak up and say that kind of talk is wrong, but are acutely aware that doing so may make them vulnerable to more abuse, misunderstanding and rejection. So they stay silent. What makes this even more painful is when those in their church who do know about their experiences also stay silent, or look away embarrassed, but allow the jokes, or comments to continue.
In confronting this silence several of these same gender attracted Christians had friends who said, "Well why didn't YOU say something if you were being hurt?" But this made those hurting feel even more angry. Why was it their duty to speak up? They were the ones who were vulnerable!
Asking the same-gender attracted person to be the one who confronts hurtful words and attitudes in the church is like asking someone who was just shot in the foot to go get you a glass of water because your throat is dry.
As Christians across North America are increasingly focused on issues of social justice, one important idea is that those who have power must speak up on behalf of those who do not. And those who benefit from unfair systems have the moral obligation to change those systems, even if they were not part of setting the system up. When it comes to confronting hurtful words and attitudes within the church about homosexuality this same truth applies. This is one reason why I , as a same-gender attracted individual, am so happy to have our Executive Director be a woman who has not struggled with same- gender attraction ( Fondly called everstraight!). When Wendy gets up and speaks in the church, her voice carries a weight in some ways that mine can't because she does not benefit directly from the changes that she calls for.
While I have dedicated my career and ministry to speaking truth about homosexuality, and helping the church think biblically about how we treat gay individuals, ultimately change will happen, in churches, denominations, and individual lives not because of what I do, but because every day Christians, who have never struggled in this way, speak up and say "we need to change."
For Pastors this means being proactive to get training for yourselves and your church before there is a crisis or someone in your congregation "comes out". For church members it means speaking up when someone speaks disrespectfully about gay people and say, "That makes me uncomfortable, and I don't think it reflects Jesus". As friends and family members of same gender attracted people it means taking the time to truly listen to their story before rushing in with how to fix or change them. By speaking up for those who can't, we live out the command of Christ to "love your neighbour as yourself", and reflect God's own unselfish love that seeks out the good of others, even at cost to self.
Of course that doesn't leave those of us who are same gender attracted off the hook. God is working in my own life to show me where I have a voice that others do not. Even as I call on other Christians to speak up for justice in this area, God is challenging me to think through where I need to speak against injustice in areas such as racism and poverty and the environment. Pointing out systems that I benefit from that harm others. This is why we are part of the body of Christ: so that where we can not speak, others speak for us, and where others can not speak, we can be their voice. And as we do this together we bring about the Shalom of God here on earth.
"Tell me if this hurts" the dentist said as he came at me with a drill. I was elated to finally have my braces off after two years of tyranny to the evil metal appliance cemented to my teeth, but now needed to have a cavity filled.
I had never had a particularly good relationship with my dentist considering he was a person whose main purpose in life seemed to be to cause me pain. But this time I was really unhappy with him. I had just had several large needles injected into my gums, and the whole left side of my face felt about twice the size of what it should be. I currently had several large pieces of cotton, a drill, a mirror, a suction device, and a couple fingers in my mouth, and NOW he tells me to tell him if it hurts!
Not only that but he then proceeded to babble on to me, asking me about school and other inconsequential matters, all the time ignoring the fact that my mouth was full of metal objects, I was struggling not to choke on my own saliva, and not at all capable of a discourse of any kind. It was several moments into this that I came to an important realization: the anesthetic had not taken full effect! I was in sudden pain...but unable to talk clearly. The dentist ignored my incoherent words, answering with a pat "that's nice" and came at me with the drill again. So I did what seemed to be a
good idea at the time: I bit him. Now biting someone who currently has sharp implements in your mouth is definitely not a smart idea. But what do you do when you are in pain, but have no voice?
I tell this story, because I have had half a dozen conversations over the last month or so with same gender attracted Christians who have told me that they are in pain, and have no voice.
Some of them are struggling and long to talk to others about the things they are facing. But they feel subtle or direct pressure from their church not to talk about it because homosexuality is seen to be a topic that is threatening. So they learn to hold their feelings inside. Many have found a way to share their story, at least with some members of their church, but have encountered situations where others within the church make belittling or hurtful comments about gay people.
This puts them in an awkward place: they want to speak up and say that kind of talk is wrong, but are acutely aware that doing so may make them vulnerable to more abuse, misunderstanding and rejection. So they stay silent. What makes this even more painful is when those in their church who do know about their experiences also stay silent, or look away embarrassed, but allow the jokes, or comments to continue.
In confronting this silence several of these same gender attracted Christians had friends who said, "Well why didn't YOU say something if you were being hurt?" But this made those hurting feel even more angry. Why was it their duty to speak up? They were the ones who were vulnerable!
Asking the same-gender attracted person to be the one who confronts hurtful words and attitudes in the church is like asking someone who was just shot in the foot to go get you a glass of water because your throat is dry.
As Christians across North America are increasingly focused on issues of social justice, one important idea is that those who have power must speak up on behalf of those who do not. And those who benefit from unfair systems have the moral obligation to change those systems, even if they were not part of setting the system up. When it comes to confronting hurtful words and attitudes within the church about homosexuality this same truth applies. This is one reason why I , as a same-gender attracted individual, am so happy to have our Executive Director be a woman who has not struggled with same- gender attraction ( Fondly called everstraight!). When Wendy gets up and speaks in the church, her voice carries a weight in some ways that mine can't because she does not benefit directly from the changes that she calls for.
While I have dedicated my career and ministry to speaking truth about homosexuality, and helping the church think biblically about how we treat gay individuals, ultimately change will happen, in churches, denominations, and individual lives not because of what I do, but because every day Christians, who have never struggled in this way, speak up and say "we need to change."
For Pastors this means being proactive to get training for yourselves and your church before there is a crisis or someone in your congregation "comes out". For church members it means speaking up when someone speaks disrespectfully about gay people and say, "That makes me uncomfortable, and I don't think it reflects Jesus". As friends and family members of same gender attracted people it means taking the time to truly listen to their story before rushing in with how to fix or change them. By speaking up for those who can't, we live out the command of Christ to "love your neighbour as yourself", and reflect God's own unselfish love that seeks out the good of others, even at cost to self.
Of course that doesn't leave those of us who are same gender attracted off the hook. God is working in my own life to show me where I have a voice that others do not. Even as I call on other Christians to speak up for justice in this area, God is challenging me to think through where I need to speak against injustice in areas such as racism and poverty and the environment. Pointing out systems that I benefit from that harm others. This is why we are part of the body of Christ: so that where we can not speak, others speak for us, and where others can not speak, we can be their voice. And as we do this together we bring about the Shalom of God here on earth.