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The Big Picture:
Welcome to Reconnecting. We chose the word Reconnecting because it is our hope that the resources on this site will enhance a person's connection with God, with self and with others in the journey of navigating the integration of faith and sexuality. This site will be primarily useful to people of Christian faith who are either exploring or hold to the traditional understanding that same-sex behaviour is inconsistent with God's best intentions for human sexual expression.
In the Christian community today, there are diverse perspectives and beliefs about this issue. Many Christians believe that God invites and blesses gay people to be in monogamous gay marriage or partnership. There are gay affirming churches and ministries that offer support and resources for those sharing such a perspective.
This site seeks to offer encouragement and resources to those who are exploring or are committed to the traditional call to chastity. Our hope is that this site will be useful in informing you about the complex realities surrounding sexual identity and the experience of same-gender attraction.
This site seeks to encourage Holistic Living. It is NOT about Denial
One of the most frequent misunderstandings is that the traditional view advocates people living unhappy, repressed lives where they never deal honestly with their sexuality. This site encourages people to deal honestly with their sexual attractions. To not do so would be harmful mentally, emotionally, spiritually and perhaps even physically. If individuals are in denial, this site attempts to offer them a safe place to understand and accept their attractions.
This site also understands that sexual attraction is not the only, or even the most important part of a person. Religious convictions and faith are significant parts of a person's life. For some same-gender attracted people, acting on their sexual attractions would compromise their personal beliefs and convictions.
This site recognizes that experiencing conflict between one's beliefs and sexual attractions is difficult. Simply telling someone in this situation to "just read the bible and pray more" may be well-intentioned but likely unhelpful. In the same way, telling someone to "just accept they are gay and find a partner" without regard for their convictions and beliefs could essentially invite them to swap one form of denial for another. This isn't helpful in the long run either. This site will seek to help people discover ways to authentically live their lives that take into account both their sexuality and their faith. For some people this will ultimately mean choosing to remain sexually abstinent. Celibacy isn't an inherently harmful thing but can lead to a wonderful life of loving and serving others. Rob Bell, in his book, "Sex God" says, "Some of the most sexual people I know are celibate. They sleep alone. They have chosen to give themselves to lots of people, to serve and give and connect their lives with beautiful worthy causes. You can be having sex with many, and yet you're alone. And the more sex you have, the more alone you are. And it's possible to be sleeping alone, and celibate, and to be very sexual. Connected with many."
This site honours those who choose singleness as the best alternative for their life and encourages others to treat them and their choice with dignity and respect. This site also acknowledges that there are other creative ways an individual can live in a manner that is consistent with a traditional view: living in intentional community or living in a committed, non-sexual friendship. Some people who experience same-gender attraction do find that they fall in love with someone of the opposite sex and desire to get married. This site encourages caution and care in making such a decision with full disclosure and qualified pre-marital counseling. Getting married to someone of the opposite sex will NOT make the experience of same-gender attraction go away. However, some people do find joy in a mixed-orientation marriage where there is openness and honesty about the reality of same-gender attraction and deep commitment and fidelity within the marriage. Having multiple options, that take into account each individual's needs, experiences, etc. is a way to offer hope and a positive vision for the future for the person who has deeply committed beliefs and the very normal human need for experiencing community & intimacy.
This site focuses on Descriptions. It is not about Labels
You will notice that this site uses the words same-gender attraction (sga) a lot. It may be a bit confusing to some of you. This site recognizes that sexuality is complex, variable, and often quite messy. Many people who connect with a site like this are going through quite a lot of confusion about their sexuality. Individuals may be attracted to the same sex, and they want to know what that means. However people with attraction to the same sex can use all sorts of terms to describe themselves. They could use terms like gay, lesbian, queer, bi-sexual, two spirited, or questioning. And two people using the same words could mean very different things. One could simply mean that they are sometimes sexually attracted to people of the same gender, and another could mean that they are actively seeking a sexual relationship with a person of the same gender.
Many of the young people who write in to the site are particularly confused about this. They feel some attraction to the same sex, and don't know what it means. Does it mean they are gay? What if they are attracted to the opposite sex too? What if they are attracted mostly to the same sex, but once in a while are attracted to the opposite. The variations are endless.
So to respect those who are still trying to figure out where they land, we try to not overuse a word like gay. Instead we try to use descriptions. Same-gender attracted describes what you feel. So even though it is a mouthful to say, and not likely the perfect alternative, we use it because it is the safest word we can think of.
(Note: While there can be some confusion about the word gay, in our experience most gay people use it in a descriptive manner as well. In other words, when someone says, "I'm gay" really all you can know for sure about them is that they experience attraction to their own gender. If you want to know additional information like what their theological beliefs are, political affiliations, or whether or not they have a partner, then you'll have to actually get to know them by building a friendship with them.)
This site is about Choice. It is not about Coercion.
This site recognizes that sexual attraction is not something that you consciously control. As a kid growing up, nobody chooses to be attracted to one sex or another. The debate over what causes sexual attraction to be directed one way or another is complex, and the most that can be safely said is that it can be different from person to person and probably involves many factors including both biological and environmental.
Whatever your attractions are, we can all make choices about what to do with our sexual desires. And in making those choices we are well served by acting in ways that take into account all of who we are, including both our attractions and our beliefs. Telling someone that they must act in a way that is contrary to their beliefs is harmful. This means that trying to force someone who has identified as gay to attempt to be straight is harmful. This site is opposed to parents, families, friends or churches using coercion to try to change a person against their will.
This site encourages using open dialogue and unconditional acceptance to provide a safe place for same-gender attracted people to decide for themselves what meanings and identifications to take on themselves as well as what decisions they will make about the potential of future relationships.
Some people fear that providing multiple meanings and understandings of same-gender attractions will be harmful. The fear is that we will only confuse people who already have enough challenges and that we should just tell them how they should be. This site recognizes that as long as individuals are free to choose for themselves, providing options will be positive, not negative, and that forcing ideas on others is what causes harm.
Read more about our Core Values and Beliefs
Welcome to Reconnecting. We chose the word Reconnecting because it is our hope that the resources on this site will enhance a person's connection with God, with self and with others in the journey of navigating the integration of faith and sexuality. This site will be primarily useful to people of Christian faith who are either exploring or hold to the traditional understanding that same-sex behaviour is inconsistent with God's best intentions for human sexual expression.
In the Christian community today, there are diverse perspectives and beliefs about this issue. Many Christians believe that God invites and blesses gay people to be in monogamous gay marriage or partnership. There are gay affirming churches and ministries that offer support and resources for those sharing such a perspective.
This site seeks to offer encouragement and resources to those who are exploring or are committed to the traditional call to chastity. Our hope is that this site will be useful in informing you about the complex realities surrounding sexual identity and the experience of same-gender attraction.
This site seeks to encourage Holistic Living. It is NOT about Denial
One of the most frequent misunderstandings is that the traditional view advocates people living unhappy, repressed lives where they never deal honestly with their sexuality. This site encourages people to deal honestly with their sexual attractions. To not do so would be harmful mentally, emotionally, spiritually and perhaps even physically. If individuals are in denial, this site attempts to offer them a safe place to understand and accept their attractions.
This site also understands that sexual attraction is not the only, or even the most important part of a person. Religious convictions and faith are significant parts of a person's life. For some same-gender attracted people, acting on their sexual attractions would compromise their personal beliefs and convictions.
This site recognizes that experiencing conflict between one's beliefs and sexual attractions is difficult. Simply telling someone in this situation to "just read the bible and pray more" may be well-intentioned but likely unhelpful. In the same way, telling someone to "just accept they are gay and find a partner" without regard for their convictions and beliefs could essentially invite them to swap one form of denial for another. This isn't helpful in the long run either. This site will seek to help people discover ways to authentically live their lives that take into account both their sexuality and their faith. For some people this will ultimately mean choosing to remain sexually abstinent. Celibacy isn't an inherently harmful thing but can lead to a wonderful life of loving and serving others. Rob Bell, in his book, "Sex God" says, "Some of the most sexual people I know are celibate. They sleep alone. They have chosen to give themselves to lots of people, to serve and give and connect their lives with beautiful worthy causes. You can be having sex with many, and yet you're alone. And the more sex you have, the more alone you are. And it's possible to be sleeping alone, and celibate, and to be very sexual. Connected with many."
This site honours those who choose singleness as the best alternative for their life and encourages others to treat them and their choice with dignity and respect. This site also acknowledges that there are other creative ways an individual can live in a manner that is consistent with a traditional view: living in intentional community or living in a committed, non-sexual friendship. Some people who experience same-gender attraction do find that they fall in love with someone of the opposite sex and desire to get married. This site encourages caution and care in making such a decision with full disclosure and qualified pre-marital counseling. Getting married to someone of the opposite sex will NOT make the experience of same-gender attraction go away. However, some people do find joy in a mixed-orientation marriage where there is openness and honesty about the reality of same-gender attraction and deep commitment and fidelity within the marriage. Having multiple options, that take into account each individual's needs, experiences, etc. is a way to offer hope and a positive vision for the future for the person who has deeply committed beliefs and the very normal human need for experiencing community & intimacy.
This site focuses on Descriptions. It is not about Labels
You will notice that this site uses the words same-gender attraction (sga) a lot. It may be a bit confusing to some of you. This site recognizes that sexuality is complex, variable, and often quite messy. Many people who connect with a site like this are going through quite a lot of confusion about their sexuality. Individuals may be attracted to the same sex, and they want to know what that means. However people with attraction to the same sex can use all sorts of terms to describe themselves. They could use terms like gay, lesbian, queer, bi-sexual, two spirited, or questioning. And two people using the same words could mean very different things. One could simply mean that they are sometimes sexually attracted to people of the same gender, and another could mean that they are actively seeking a sexual relationship with a person of the same gender.
Many of the young people who write in to the site are particularly confused about this. They feel some attraction to the same sex, and don't know what it means. Does it mean they are gay? What if they are attracted to the opposite sex too? What if they are attracted mostly to the same sex, but once in a while are attracted to the opposite. The variations are endless.
So to respect those who are still trying to figure out where they land, we try to not overuse a word like gay. Instead we try to use descriptions. Same-gender attracted describes what you feel. So even though it is a mouthful to say, and not likely the perfect alternative, we use it because it is the safest word we can think of.
(Note: While there can be some confusion about the word gay, in our experience most gay people use it in a descriptive manner as well. In other words, when someone says, "I'm gay" really all you can know for sure about them is that they experience attraction to their own gender. If you want to know additional information like what their theological beliefs are, political affiliations, or whether or not they have a partner, then you'll have to actually get to know them by building a friendship with them.)
This site is about Choice. It is not about Coercion.
This site recognizes that sexual attraction is not something that you consciously control. As a kid growing up, nobody chooses to be attracted to one sex or another. The debate over what causes sexual attraction to be directed one way or another is complex, and the most that can be safely said is that it can be different from person to person and probably involves many factors including both biological and environmental.
Whatever your attractions are, we can all make choices about what to do with our sexual desires. And in making those choices we are well served by acting in ways that take into account all of who we are, including both our attractions and our beliefs. Telling someone that they must act in a way that is contrary to their beliefs is harmful. This means that trying to force someone who has identified as gay to attempt to be straight is harmful. This site is opposed to parents, families, friends or churches using coercion to try to change a person against their will.
This site encourages using open dialogue and unconditional acceptance to provide a safe place for same-gender attracted people to decide for themselves what meanings and identifications to take on themselves as well as what decisions they will make about the potential of future relationships.
Some people fear that providing multiple meanings and understandings of same-gender attractions will be harmful. The fear is that we will only confuse people who already have enough challenges and that we should just tell them how they should be. This site recognizes that as long as individuals are free to choose for themselves, providing options will be positive, not negative, and that forcing ideas on others is what causes harm.
Read more about our Core Values and Beliefs